dutch rap is my guilty pleasure..

Dear Europe,

You are not far from my thoughts.
I will come.

Best,
Masha.

My mother got some bootlegged Rosetta Stone that offers every language. French, Dutch..you first. Then German, Spanish, Italian, etc. I am excited.

Spring Break came and went. It started amazing...sleep overs and breakfast and then Boston. Christine and I drove up and stayed in Cambridge. After settling into the Hotel (which was an awesome pick on my part) we drove around and got very lost and finally dropped the car off. Ended up walking to the restaurant (it's easier to find parking in Manhattan, I swear) which closes at 10! I felt like I was in the country. I'm used to having everything accessible 24/7! NYC spoils its residents, really... The air in Cambridge is ripe with pretentiousness and academia. Harvard Square is really nice, I'd love to have spent more time there. MIT is absolutely out of this world. Jealous..very jealous. The fencing was ight too. I made friends ;) I spent most of the break at Christine's house in Jersey being a lazy vegetable between work. That was also the first weekend I stayed in which was a good idea on my part. Going out all the time stinks.

Life is really amazing. I've hit a few short stops lately with the relationship between my mom and me but it's nothing new and it's definitely not as bad as it can get. Square peg, round hole.
My life basically consists of work, school, Kamil, and Christine. Other people come into the mix here and there and I enjoy their company as short or long lived as it happens to be. I miss Sam. She's changed so much. I have my theories as to how. It hurts though. It seems like ever since she went to New Paltz and has started dating Kevin she barely tries to stay in contact. How hard is it to jot down a quick e-mail via facebook? Texts, okay my phone broke but it still answers calls. I'm not picking this fight right now but dusting off the cold shoulder isn't hard to do.

Seeing as how it's spring everyone's "falling in love". A few catch my eye here and there but sex and hasty hook ups are not it for me and that seems to be all anyone wants these days. The few I'm intrigued by are...unattainable at best. One of them is in a universe completely separate from mine, the other is actually just fun to observe and the third has a dog of a side kick who wants to sleep with me (whatever happened to wingmen?) All three strike a deep interest in me. Just to know how their mind works, how they see America and how their country raised them to think... Fucking Europeans...

My mental health is at its peak. Everyone has lows but compared to how I used to be my lows are just...dents. I cannot wait for this summer. Hopefully it is like last year's...two jobs and beach every day I don't work. That is the life.
My dents are just that I feel like I am not enough for people. Especially when it comes to dating. There's always someone prettier and wittier and whateverhaveyou out there. I'm quiet and weird and kind of creepy sometimes. I find myself asking my friends how they end up staying around me when I'm not this and not that. It's not that I don't have self esteem or anything..that's not the case. I just know that there's always something better out there and I don't see why people should settle. It sucks seeing someone's potential.

Life is all perception to me. I've morphed mine into what works best and I'm riding this baby till I have to switch it up. I look towards the good things in life. Like the amazing nap I took this morning in my car instead of going to class (damn flu)...sun beating down...golden warmth and good tunes on the stereo. I don't try to control things. I'm not afraid of talking to people anymore, I'm myself around strangers more and more.

I am pleased. That is the best word to describe it. Not enamoured or unhappy or anyhing else. I am pleased. More changes can happen for the better in a lot of aspects but they're not as worst as they could be and I'll get by even if they take that downhill turn. But for now, everything has its place in the world...