Progression?

I received a notice in the mail to see one of the Deans. I sat down and she told me that if I take one summer course and 6 classes for the next 3 semesters I finish a semester early. Or I can take 4 classes this summer and 6 classes next year and finish a year early.
Instead I'm deciding to take on a French minor, since it's exactly the amount of classes I have room for and will graduate as planned, May 2011.
My GPA isn't much to brag about but I do have decent work experience, if this internship ends up amounting to anything. At least I'll graduate with a Bachelor's in Finance with a French minor. I might end up being able to get a job for a French investment firm and head on over there like I'd always dreamed.

It's funny because I turned 20 earlier this week and I feel like I truly need to start focusing on my future and making plans. I'm not a free spirit; I'm very grounded. It feels good to finally see something work out.

Ever since I met Mat my perspective has changed. Like there is hope. There are people out there who appreciate the same things as me and share the same values. Maybe that was enough to give me the closure I was seeking. It's one thing to have friends. I can always rely on a few select people in my life and although it may seem like I do not always let them in, I do and I would kill for them. To have someone who sits there and says to me "I'm madly in love with you" is like a shock. It has been a fairy tale.

I don't want to say that he's the reason why things have been looking up. I don't want to be left helpless when he's gone. Watching my own back here. But it does feel comforting. It feels right. This is how it's supposed to be. Every time I look at him I feel deep inside that this is the way things should be. I got that same feeling when I found out that I will be able to go through with a French minor.

I need to get my shit together. I need to work out some issues as to what I'm willing to do to get ahead in life. I don't want to step on people or use them or hurt them. At the same time though, I hurt people very easily because what is not hurtful to me is hurtful to others and I don't always see that.

I let the steering wheel go and have followed this road. I like where it's taken me so far. I want to control in which direction it goes but I realize now that I can't always be stressing out and controlling everything like I used to. It's not use stressing over it. I work myself into a fit. I put myself into this бочка and sit there.. It's like I stepped in shit and instead of wiping it off and continuing on I sit there and roll in it.

Fuck it.

Chaos can be beneficial. What else do you have out there for me?

I want to suffer. I want to work through difficult times. I don't expect life to always be as great as it is now. I appreciate how it is now but I'm prepared for the difficulties. I won't force them but when they come up I will not back down.

What else you got? Throw it at me. I want to grow and mature and be stronger. Bring it.